Won't Have To Wait Very Long, They Say
by GreatMountainTengu
Summary: Sometime after Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum's marriage, Ko-Ko, knowing that his wards Peep-Bo and Pitti-Sing can't live under his protection much longer, has taken matters into his own hands on how to find suitable husbands for them. The only problem? He hasn't exactly made the best choices in the world as to who they should be. My first time writing a Mikado fic; may contain OOC moments.
1. Ko-Ko's Plan

**A/N: And now for something completely different. Came up with this with the help of chill13, whom I thank very much. _The Mikado_ simply needs more love on FF.**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters mentioned in this fic, as well as the operetta which they come from, belong to Gilbert & Sullivan. I do not profit from writing fanfiction in any way, shape, or form.**

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><p>Ko-Ko sighed in resignation as he sipped at his green tea. Katisha had insisted on making it for him, even though Ko-Ko himself hadn't necessarily been in the mood for it. When he'd said this to Katisha, she had rebuffed him with, "Don't talk nonsense! This is the sort of thing that married couples do for each other, is it not?" And so, not being in an argumentative state of mind (as well as being terrified of disappointing his overbearing wife), Ko-Ko now sat with his legs crossed beneath the kotatsu, occasionally glancing outside at the clear, bright morning, and drinking the green tea as enjoyably as he could.<p>

He and Katisha had been married for a little less than a year now, and their marriage was indeed a happy one, most things considered. Katisha's fits of temper were still something to be feared, but Ko-Ko had rather become something of a morality chain to her, and could usually calm her down whenever she flew into a rage (provided he wasn't too brave about it). And at least Katisha had Yum-Yum's two younger sisters to boss around, so she wasn't perpetually on Ko-Ko's case. He had been, for a few weeks now, attempting to teach the girls the tailor's trade, which, in truth, he wasn't making much progress with. Peep-Bo was surprisingly diligent with her practicing, but, being the young girl that she was, was more interested in the colour-and-pattern part of the business rather than the sewing-and-hemming part, the latter of which Ko-Ko's lessons were geared towards. Pitti-Sing, of course, refused to pay any attention to the lessons at all. In other news, Nanki-Poo and Yum-Yum would occasionally visit to see how Ko-Ko, Katisha, and the sisters were keeping. In short, all was well. Well, almost.

The problem was Yum-Yum's two sisters, Peep-Bo and Pitti-Sing. While their older sister had obviously left Ko-Ko's estate once she and Nanki-Poo were married, the two younger girls were still single, even though they were both beginning to approach the age that Yum-Yum was when she got married. Of course, they couldn't live under the care of Ko-Ko forever, and so he was now pondering, as he sat and drank, how to find suitable husbands for the pair of them.

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><p>Meanwhile, in the girls' bedroom, the two little maids sat in front of their mirror, with Yum-Yum's youngest sister, Pitti-Sing, reluctantly helping the middle sister, Peep-Bo, braid and fix her hair for the day. Pitti-Sing hated sitting in one place for more than two minutes at a time (which had made her days at school particularly excruciating), and was in a hurry to get Peep-Bo's hair out of the way as fast as possible. Naturally, this led to a rather rushed and haphazard way of hair-fixing on Pitti-Sing's part, and so Peep-Bo kept scolding her about doing it wrong, and that she had to do it all over again, which led to Pitti-Sing getting even more irritated and rushing even more with her sister's hair, thus repeating the cycle.<br>"Ow! Not so tight!" cried Peep-Bo, raising her hands in protection to the right side of her head, whose hair her sister was pulling into a small bun that was far too tight. "Pitti-Sing, you are doing it wrong!" the older girl complained for what must have been the seventeenth time that morning.  
>"Oh, hush," muttered Pitti-Sing. "Just leave off complaining and it won't hurt as much." She gave another powerful yank on the sheer black tresses, eliciting a little cry of pain from Peep-Bo. "And anyway, must you always insist on wearing your hair in such a peculiar way, with the bun on each side and the braid in back? Why can't you just wear it in a simple top bun, like me?"<br>"Absolutely not; such a plain little style would never suit me," Peep-Bo, who was by now more than a bit annoyed with the younger girl, responded. Pitti-Sing rolled her eyes.

Just then, the sliding door of the little maids' bedroom slid wide open with a bang. No knock, no asking permission to enter—just the sound of the door loudly sliding out of the way for the imposing visitor with a crash and a shudder at the end.  
>"Good morning, Lady Katisha," the sisters said in unison, knowing without looking who stood in the doorway.<br>"Good morning, girls," Katisha said back. She probably didn't mean there to be any hostility or intimidation in her voice, but it was there all the same. She looked down at them. Peep-Bo's hair was tied into two small, cockeyed buns with a twisted, messy braid in the back. Behind her, Pitti-Sing was kneeling up impatiently with her hands clutching at several long hair ribbons as well as two combs and a brush. Katisha raised an eyebrow inquisitively. "Having hair trouble?" she inquired.  
>Both sisters shook their heads with vigour. "No, no! No! No, we're perfectly fine, thank you very much!" they cried anxiously. They still remembered what had happened the last time Katisha had helped them to fix their hair. Until then, neither girl had known that human fingernails could be so unbearably sharp.<br>"Nonsense," Katisha chided. "You are very obviously having trouble with Peep-Bo's hair, and I shall help you with it right now." She stepped into the room and kneeled gracefully behind Peep-Bo, but not before shoving Pitti-Sing out of the way. "I used to be quite good with this sort of thing when I was young," she informed the two.  
>"With emphasis on 'used to,'" Peep-Bo said quietly. Katisha made no sign that she heard the rude remark. Indeed, Katisha hardly listened to anybody, which snarky little Peep-Bo had come to appreciate over the months.<br>"Now, hold still, dear," the elderly lady commanded, "and don't thrash about as much as last time. If you keep still, it won't hurt as badly, you understand?"  
>"Y-yes," the older sister replied, her heart thumping about wildly at the prospect of the impending doom. With a deep breath of resolve, Peep-Bo steeled herself for the attack on her hair.<p>

Five extremely traumatic minutes later, a triumphant Katisha emerged from the bedroom, closely followed by a slightly amused Pitti-Sing and a shell-shocked Peep-Bo. Her hair was now in two taut, perfect side buns with a flawlessly tight braid in the back. Not a single follicle was out of place, but from the look of her face, one would think that she had just come in from a hurricane. Or an explosion. Or perhaps a combination of both.  
>"Well, she did do a splendid job, didn't she, sister dear?" giggled Pitti-Sing. "I daresay your hair won't come loose any time soon while it's like that! Not until at least next week, anyhow!"<br>In her catatonic state, Peep-Bo made no reply.

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><p>Ko-Ko, who still hadn't finished his tea, was now pacing up and down, circling the kotatsu and stewing over his predicament as loudly as you please. "Oh, I just don't know how I'm going to go about this!" he said to nobody in particular. "My two wards are still under my roof, yet they really ought to have husbands by now, both of them! And now it's up to me to find two gentlemen of substance in this town who will keep them well! But who can I trust with such a thing? Ah, what to do, what to do—"<br>His thoughts were interrupted by his wife and the two girls entering the dining room.  
>"And what's more, I am once again prohibited by circumstance to soliloquize!" he declared. "Why did I expect anything different?"<br>"Do come off it," Katisha chided him. "I am not prepared to tolerate you being overdramatic this early in the morning, do you hear?"  
>Ko-Ko immediately backed off with an embarrassed chuckle. "Forgive me, my darling," he said sheepishly. To Peep-Bo and Pitti-Sing, he said, "Good morning, girls."<br>"Good morning, Ko-Ko," Pitti-Sing replied cheerily. "Lovely day!"  
>Peep-Bo only nodded.<br>"Finished your tea, then?" Katisha said to her husband, removing the tea bowl which was still a quarter full with a single swift motion.  
>"Apparently so," Ko-Ko muttered.<br>Katisha hadn't noticed the remark, she had already left the room. Indeed, her style of home life was what the Japanese refer to as "mai-peisu" (an accented pronunciation of the English words "my pace", ergo denoting the sort of person who does what he likes).

"Anyhow...what were…you soliloquizing about…just there?" asked Peep-Bo, who seemed to be slowly coming out of her Katisha-induced catatonia.  
>Ko-Ko hesitated, not exactly sure how to break this to his two (relatively) innocent wards. "Well, ehm, you see, that is…" after a couple more seconds of hemming and hawing, he gave in. "Come now, surely you girls know that you'll have to be married sooner or later, isn't that right?"<br>"Yes, we know," Pitti-Sing said calmly.  
>"Indeed, we know this," Peep-Bo said, equally as calmly.<br>Their guardian relaxed a bit. "Oh, good. So, you'll be able to understand when I say that I've been working out in my head how to find acceptable husbands for you two."  
>"Oh, most definitely, we understand," they replied.<br>"Once again, I am relieved," Ko-Ko said, and indeed he was. "My only problem is where to begin."  
>"Well, for starters, they'll have to be gentlemen of socially acceptable habits," Peep-Bo offered.<br>"Of course, but I'm afraid that much is obvious," responded Ko-Ko.  
>Pitti-Sing cocked her head in consideration. "Hmm…they ought to be well-educated, also, or at least literate."<br>"Certainly," Ko-Ko agreed. He was back to pacing once again, but this time his manner of pacing was more thoughtful than upset. "It shall never do for me to engage you to the uneducated sort of person."  
>"Should they be wealthy as well?" Peep-Bo wanted to know.<br>"Absolutely," replied Ko-Ko. "I wouldn't abide anything else, financial class-wise."  
>"Oh, and they probably should be gentlemen that all three of us are familiar with," interjected Pitti-Sing.<br>"Yes, I'd imagine that would considerably speed up the whole getting-to-know-them business," Ko-Ko said, stilling his feet mid-pace. "But the question is, exactly _whom_ shall I—"

He was cut off just then by a loud "O-jama-shi-masu!" (Japanese for "pardon the intrusion!") from outside the front door. The owner of the voice who said this, the imposing fellow that he was, certainly didn't mean what he'd said, but he wasn't so stupid as to overlook the fact that it was only good manners to call, "o-jama-shi-masu!—pardon the intrusion!" before entering the house of an acquaintance, colleague, or friend.  
>"O-hai-ri-na-sai!—Do come in!" Ko-Ko called back, recognizing the voice of Pooh-Bah, Lord High Everything Else.<br>And so he did come in, with Pish-Tush, the herald of Titipu, close behind him.  
>"Pardon me just a minute," Ko-Ko said to the girls, and went to the front hall to receive his guests. "Good morning," he said to them. "Is something the matter?" he asked, for both of them looked rather serious, even stone-faced Pish-Tush.<br>"No more than usual," Pooh-Bah replied. "But we do need you at the town hall today. Shall we go there at once?"  
>Ko-Ko was about to nod once in agreement, but just then, and idea struck him. <em>Socially acceptable habits, well-educated, considerably wealthy, and the girls are already familiar with them both—these are the gentlemen they shall be married to!<em> He was elated by this sudden revelation, but for now, he kept himself composed. "Of course, we shall," he replied. "But I wonder if I might ask a favour of you, please?"  
>Pish-Tush gave a shrug. "Alright, then."<br>"Would you gentlemen mind very much if we brought a few people with us?" the Lord High Executioner asked tentatively.  
>"No, not very much," said Pooh-Bah. "After all, the more the merrier."<br>"Listen to who's talking," muttered Pish-Tush. His colleague shot him a disdainful glance. "No, it shouldn't be too much of a problem to bring a couple others…as long as they don't cause any trouble," the herald said to Ko-Ko, who smiled gratefully and bowed.  
>"Much obliged to you, gentlemen." He turned to face the sitting-room. "Girls," he called to his wards.<br>Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush shared a confused expression with one another. "_Girls_?"  
>"Yes, Ko-Ko?" said Pitti-Sing, approaching the front hall with Peep-Bo.<br>Their guardian grinned at them with a contemplative twinkle in his eye. "Girls, you remember Pish-Tush and Pooh-Bah, don't you?"  
>The sisters' eyes widened in shock and they exchanged a worried look. Neither of them wanted to believe it, but they both knew all too well that these two were the ones Ko-Ko was planning to marry them off to.<br>"He's up to something," whispered Pooh-Bah to Pish-Tush who, with a grave nod, said, "Most definitely."

-END OF CHAPTER 1-

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><p><strong>AN: I'm planning to upload Ch. 2 later on. Thank you for reading, please review!**


	2. Little Maids, Haughty Lords

**A/N: Sorry for the wait. Our school's drama club just got done with the fall performance, so there's been a good deal of things cast aside during the cays following up to the performances. Anyhow, here it is.**

**DISCLAIMER: All characters as well as the play they come from rightly belong to Gilbert and Sullivan. I do not profit financially from writing fanfiction.**

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><p>It had been an extremely awkward trip to the town hall, with Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush walking at the head of the party unreasonably quickly, with their noses in the air and not saying a word; and Pitti-Sing and Peep-Bo dragging slowly at the back, sometimes exchanging uneasy whispers. Ko-Ko, who walked between the four of them, was attempting to relieve the overall tension with small talk and terrible jokes.<p>

When they reached the town hall, the Lord High Executioner told his colleagues to go ahead and start things without him, as he needed a moment to "think things over", whatever that meant. He then instructed the sisters to remain in one of the smaller rooms, where they wouldn't cause any trouble. Truth be told, though, given how frosty the air was between them and the two haughty lords, he would rather that they were kept apart for the time being.

Once the girls were alone, they immediately started arguing.  
>"Has he got rats in the roof? I'm not marrying either one of them!" declared Pitti-Sing.<br>"I wouldn't judge them so harshly if I were you," Peep-Bo countered. "It's not as though _you're_ first in line when it comes to marriage material, yourself."  
>"Oh, go at me all you want," her sister sniffed, "but it's exactly those sort of remarks that stop <em>you<em> getting a husband either!"  
>"Well, in spite of how undesirable we both may be, it appears that we are to be engaged, and on very short notice," Peep-Bo said curtly. "And even if we can't choose who our fiancés are, perhaps we can decide between ourselves who marries whom."<br>"You're quite right," Pitti-Sing agreed. "The least Ko-Ko can do is let us decide which one each one gets."  
>The elder sister tapped her chin in thought. "Hmm…well, considering the familiarity the two of us have with each gentleman…that would mean that I would be Pish-Tush's bride, and you'd be Pooh-Bah's."<br>Pitti-Sing's jaw dropped. "W-what? Eh?! Me?! Him?!"  
>"Well, you two are about as familiar with each other as I am with Pish-Tush," Peep-Bo replied, calmly fanning herself.<br>"But…but…Pooh-Bah is a tremendous swell! That arrogant old twit could never fall in love with me!" her sister protested. "No, no, I'm _far_ better off with Pish-Tush; he's nice and introverted, doesn't cause a stir."  
>"Indeed—the exact opposite of you."<br>"But, sister dear, surely you know that _opposites attract!_" Pitti-Sing cried with vehemence.  
>"Only with magnets and in shoddy theatrical performances," Peep-Bo said back, with all the vehemence of somebody who was fast asleep.<p>

Meanwhile, across the hall, the two supposed husbands-to-be were in a similar predicament. Pooh-Bah was pacing up and down from one end of the room to the other, and Pish-Tush was kneeling on the _tatami_—straw mat, tapping his fingers with frustration on its surface and occasionally shaking his head discontentedly.  
>"It makes no sense to me whatever," said Pooh-Bah, still pacing. "No sense whatever!"<br>"Oh, surely there's _some_ reason why Ko-Ko insisted on bringing his wards with us today," said Pish-Tush, pulling up a strand of tatami-straw with his fingers, for Pish-Tush was the sort of person who, whenever he was under pressure, needed something to do with his hands to keep from becoming overwhelmed.  
>Both men knew that they really ought to have been focusing on more substantial (or at least more urgent) matters, but neither of them could restrain himself from pondering upon the subject of the unwanted presence of Ko-Ko's wards which seemed to be chewing away at their ability to focus on anything else.<br>"Imagine! Bringing those young _persons_ to the town hall in the company of three noble lords! I don't care if the third one is their guardian!" fumed Lord High Everything Else. "Why, you'd have thought that he was trying to strike up an acquaintanceship between us and them! A relationship, even!"  
>Pish-Tush suddenly sprang up from the mat and violently grabbed his colleague by the wrist. His face went pale with the horror of a realization. "Oh my heavens, you don't think…"<br>Pooh-Bah gave a distraught sort of nod. "As unbelievable and awkward a scenario as it is, I'm afraid that's exactly what's going on here."  
>"<em>We<em> marry _them_? Unthinkable. Why, those girls are too young for us!" Pish-Tush exclaimed. "We shall have to take Ko-Ko in hand for this, I say."  
>"Oh, absolutely! He shall just have to find two other poor devils to engage his wards to," Pooh-Bah replied.<br>"Right, then it's settled," said the herald. "As soon as we leave here today, we shall speak to Ko-Ko about this matter."  
>"Indeed we shall!" Pooh-Bah agreed.<br>But neither moved. Instead, there was a silence.

Finally, Pish-Tush said, "Pooh-Bah…"  
>"Mm?"<br>"Suppose…we did have to marry those two…which girl would you choose?"  
>"Oh, no contest at all," Pooh-Bah replied. "I'd take Pitti-Sing, the younger one."<br>Pish-Tush gave a start. "Eh? Why her?"  
>"Well, I'm far more familiar with her than I am with…with…" he paused, struggling to remember Peep-Bo's name. At last he gave up and said, "With the other girl."<br>Pish-Tush raised his eyebrows. "But I thought that the link between you and Pitti-Sing was strictly platonic?"  
>"Look here, now, it's not a question of whom I'd rather marry; it's a question of whom I'd rather <em>not<em> marry. And I'd much rather _not_ marry Pitti-Sing's older sister. While I don't remember her name, I do remember that she's an incredibly snarky little thing, and I certainly couldn't endure something like that!"  
>"And you think that I could? That impudent little Peep-Bo could never show respect for me!" Pish-Tush was on the verge of shouting now.<br>"Well, let's face it; you can endure more than I can," said Pooh-Bah with a shrug. "We all know how much of Ko-Ko's antics you've put up with, not to mention those of his Solicitor. And what about how wonderfully you handle the Lord Mayor grating on your nerves on a day-to-day basis? And let's not forget about how soundly you broke up that terrible argument between the Paymaster General and the Lord High Auditor!"  
>Pish-Tush scoffed. "You mean how I shut you up when you were shouting at yourself?"<p>

"We aren't going to discuss it any further," Pooh-Bah said firmly. "I hereby declare, as Private Secretary, that if, indeed, we are to be married to Ko-Ko's wards, I shall take Pitti-Sing for my bride, and you shall take her sister for yours! And I second it as Archbishop of Titipu, and I third it as well, as the Registrar!"  
>"Alright, now listen here, <em>you lot,<em>" Pish-Tush growled through clenched teeth. "There is no need to discuss this at all, because we have already decided once and for all that neither of us will have to take either of them for our brides, and so there is no point in bickering over who gets whom! We shall, however, bicker it out with Ko-Ko later on. After all, he's the cause of all this."  
>Pooh-Bah gave a nod. "Right, then. Let's get straight to work, shall we?"<br>And so they did, with each nobleman turning over in his head how they were going to approach the Lord High Executioner about the matter at hand.

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><p>Unknown to both quarreling parties, Ko-Ko was in another room entirely, once again soliloquizing about his problems. This constant soliloquizing was a sort of means of impromptu therapy for him; he found that it was much easier to get his thoughts in order when he spoke them out loud rather than keeping them inside his mind.<br>"Well, now you've really rowed yourself up the crick this time, haven't you, old boy?" Ko-Ko scolded himself. "How is it that a clever fellow like you" (he might as well say this) "continually lands himself into these awful jams?" Not able to come up with an answer to this question, he shook his head with a sigh and kept talking. "I wanted the lords to marry the wards, but now that I've got my scheme into the open, neither party will speak to the other, and at this moment, are probably both planning on confronting me about the singularly rash decision I've made! Oh, what's to be done? What is to be done?" He gave a long sigh and, out of habit, adjusted his spectacles.

After a silence, Ko-Ko approached the door. "Well, in any case, I suppose I ought to put it aside for now and go help my colleagues." And with that, he opened the Japanese-style sliding door, stepped out into the corridor, pulled the door closed behind him, and went to find Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush. He found them in the conference room, where Pish-Tush was busy writing letters (read: practicing his calligraphy) and Pooh-Bah (currently acting as Privy Purse) was trying to balance the budget, which he had extremely precariously perched upon the thin ends of two chopsticks. Unfortunately for him, the budget kept slipping off, and he kept having to pick it up and start all over. Neither of them looked up to acknowledge Ko-Ko coming in, as they were still rather upset with him.  
>After a bit of an awkward protracted silence, Ko-Ko asked: "So, what was it that you gentlemen said you needed me for?"<br>"Ah, yes," said Pooh-Bah. "As you know, it is almost time for Titipu's execution deadline, which means, of course, if somebody isn't executed very soon, His Majesty the Mikado will become very upset and we'll be back in the same mess we were in about a year ago."  
>Ko-Ko scoffed a bit. "Is that all? You two dragged me all the way down here early in the morning to inform me of <em>this<em>?"  
>"Well, it seems unkind to say so, but beheading people is not something that either Pish-Tush or myself were prepared to discuss outside a private residence," Pooh-Bah sniffed with an indignant frown.<br>"Forgive me, gentlemen," said Ko-Ko, "but there's no need to make such a fuss! Why, all we need to do is make affidavit that I've executed somebody! His Majesty will never be able to tell the difference. He didn't last time."  
>Both Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush began snickering as they remembered last time.<br>"And what are you two chuckling about?" Ko-Ko wanted to know.  
>"Well," said Pooh-Bah, suppressing his undignified laughter, "that's perfectly fine, but before you make the affidavit you must make sure and double-sure that whomever the poor unfortunate is that you are going to pronounce dead by execution doesn't have any heretofore unseen connections with the royal family."<br>Ko-Ko rolled his eyes. "Oh alright, laugh at me, you big arrogant swell, but you didn't know that Nanki-Poo was really the Heir Apparent either. It was just as much your fault as it was mine, you and your 'artistic verisimilitude'." He said the last two words with an upper-class accent mocking Pooh-Bah's.

"Well, never mind that. Now who can we say that you executed?"  
>"He'll have to be already dead," said Ko-Ko. "Let's see…who's died recently?"<br>"How about old Hiroari no Ho-Hum?" Pish-Tush piped up.  
>"Him?" said Ko-Ko. "When did he die?"<br>"A few days ago, actually," Pish-Tush replied. "He was killed on the same day he was robbed, as a matter of fact."  
>Ko-Ko shook his head. "Oh, dear. I certainly hope they didn't get much."<br>"No, no," Pish-Tush said to Ko-Ko, "I don't think you quite understand. _He_ was _robbed_. They stole him."  
>Pooh-Bah raised an eyebrow. "They stole <em>him<em>?"  
>The herald nodded. "Right off his front porch. Then they killed him."<br>"That's terrible!" Ko-Ko remarked.  
>"Indeed, yes," Pish-Tush said gravely. "It's a horrid thing when an old man can't even sit on his front porch for fear of being stolen."<br>"Then, it's settled," Ko-Ko said decidedly. "Old Ho-Hum it is."

"Well, now that that's out of the way," said Pooh-Bah to Ko-Ko solemnly, "There's something else that Pish-Tush and I would like to discuss with you, Ko-Ko."  
>Ko-Ko's eyes darted about nervously. <em>Here it comes,<em> he thought. But aloud he said, "Indeed?"  
>"Yes," replied Pish-Tush. "Have a seat, won't you?"<br>Accordingly, the Lord High Executioner knelt down on a tatami mat, as did the other two, and Pooh-Bah said, "It's about those two young persons whom you brought with us today."  
>"Y-yes, what about them?" asked Ko-Ko.<br>"Why they're here," said Pish-Tush through his teeth.  
>"Yes, Ko-Ko, <em>why<em>," reiterated Pooh-Bah.

A cold perspiration bespangled Ko-Ko's brow. He adjusted his spectacles again. "Ah. Yes. Well. Well, that is…w-we all need…acquaintances, don't we? You know…in case of…-well, you're both unmarried, and everything…" He began fiddling with his hands in his nervousness. "And so are the girls, and…ehm, I thought that perhaps…that you pair would—even though you most likely wouldn't—I suppose if the girls were willing as well…that you'd, um…take them for your wives," he said at last.  
>"Ha! I told you so," said the herald to Lord High Everything Else.<br>_So they did know,_ said Ko-Ko to himself. "Well, what's the matter with it?"  
>"My dear fellow, we can't be married," said Pooh-Bah. "We are both far too officious to be married to young <em>persons<em>."  
>"Well, you certainly can't go running round single forever, and neither can they," Ko-Ko flung back. "And if you are to be married, then why should you go through the weary process of making yourselves familiar with other ladies when you can marry the ones you're already familiar with? Peep-Bo and Pitti-Sing, for instance."<br>"He raises a fair argument," said Pish-Tush to Pooh-Bah.  
>"Whose side are you on, you snake?" he snapped.<br>"As the herald, I insist on being a neutral party," the other informed him.  
>"Besides, who else is going to perform your household duties, with both of you so busy and officious?" Ko-Ko chimed in.<br>"Well, I suppose he's right, at any rate," said Pooh-Bah to Pish-Tush. "Pragmatically speaking, dear Pish-Tush, your estate is a colossal mess."  
>"Takes one to know one, doesn't it?" he quipped.<br>Pooh-Bah ignored him. "Right, Ko-Ko, you've convinced us; I expect we have no other options."  
>"Ah, good," said Ko-Ko, genuinely relieved, for the whole thing had gone quite a bit quicker than he'd anticipated. "I'll go and fetch them, shall I?" and he left straightaway before his colleagues could change their minds.<br>As soon as he was gone, the two remaining daimyo accosted one another furiously, demanding to know what exactly they had just agreed to.

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><p><strong>AN: Thank you for reading,** **please** **review!**


	3. Peep-Bo Takes Charge

**A/N: Sorry for the wait (if anybody is still reading this), but here it is. Any and all characters mentioned belong to their rightful owners, as does the operetta from which they come.**

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><p>Ko-Ko yawned and stretched, slowly opening his eyes and feeling the light of yet another morning travel through his line of sight. He glanced at the ornate little Japanese wall clock. Eight-fifty-five. Goodness, had he slept in that late? Both Katisha and the girls would have long since had their breakfasts by now. No matter, Ko-Ko figured. He wasn't really in the mood for rice gruel and green tea, anyway. He'd lie in just a bit longer…<p>

The next thing he knew, a strong, bony hand had seized him by the hair and was now repeatedly slamming him facefirst into his futon. "Ko-KOOOO!" bellowed the contralto voice he knew all too well. "Enough lounging about! We have a guest! Your pompous friend Pooh-Bah is here again!"

Dazed and confused though he was, the meek little henpecked husband was instantly reminded of the matrimonial predicament he had landed himself in once he'd heard the name of his fellow nobleman. He was probably here to debate with him some more. Wresting his hair from his overbearing spouse's grasp, Ko-Ko buried his head back under the covers and asked Katisha to tell Pooh-Bah that he'd contracted rigor mortis.

"Ko-Ko, I will not have you lying there in the grip of such a despicable ailment while your colleague is standing in the front hall waiting to be received!" Katisha hollered. "And besides, you can't just stay in bed all day!"

"I can try," mumbled Ko-Ko, not joking at all.

With a stomp of her foot and a loud huff, his wife left the room, ranting and raving something about a singular lack of initiative and banging the door shut behind her.

The Lord High Executioner gave a distraught sigh. Yesterday, when he and the others were at the town hall discussing the marriage of the lords and the wards, had ended on a rather bad note after all. No sooner had he left the conference room to fetch the sisters than a terrible argument between Pooh-Bah and Pish-Tush had broken out behind him. He had heard it—straight through the wall, for that was how loud and furious they were. From this, he'd gathered that all was not as well as he'd initially believed, and there were still a few bugs to eke out if Pitti-Sing and Peep-Bo were to be married to the two daimyo. And he had left with his wards immediately, for he couldn't tell what the noblemen's argument had been about, but he figured that it had something to do either with him, the girls, or both.

But at any rate, it was terribly impolite to keep a guest waiting, no matter how arrogant and self-important said guest was, and for this reason Ko-Ko found the strength to drag himself out of his futon, get dressed, and go into the front hall to meet Pooh-Bah.

Pooh-Bah, meanwhile, had just finished speaking with Pish-Tush about the matter (in a more civilized manner than they had yesterday), and had demanded to know specifically why Pish-Tush did not want to marry Peep-Bo. It had taken some prodding, but acting as Lord High Interrogator, he'd managed to find out that Pish-Tush did appreciate the intelligence that Peep-Bo possessed (at least in comparison to ditzy Yum-Yum and impulsive Pitti-Sing) as well as her endearingly peculiar hairstyle, but all that apparently amounted to nothing in view of the girl's complete lack of due respect for anybody. And so, Pooh-Bah had immediately come to Ko-Ko's residence to speak with Peep-Bo and talk her into showing respect for Pish-Tush—or at least pretending to—so Pish-Tush would fall in love with and marry her, and Pooh-Bah would be free to marry Pitti-Sing without any quibble.

"O-mata-se-shi-mashta!—Sorry to have kept you waiting!" Ko-Ko called as he stumbled into the front hall, fully dressed but still not fully awake. "What's new today, Pooh-Bah?"

Pooh-Bah bowed to his host in traditional fashion and said: "It's about the connubial problem. I've come to speak to your wards…alone."

Ko-Ko raised an eyebrow. "You'd best behave yourself, you hear?" he told him, not unnaturally.

"Ko-Ko, do you really think I'm that sort?"

The Lord High Executioner stepped aside to let his guest in. "Are you going to, ehm, 'pop the question', as it were?"

"…I'm working up to it, yes," Pooh-Bah said at last.

Inside, Ko-Ko was thrilled. This was going unexpectedly quickly! "Very good. I'll fetch the girls." And off he went, happy as a lark that his plan was going so smoothly.

The two little maids, meanwhile, were in the courtyard, with Pitti-Sing gathering blossoms for a centerpiece and Peep-Bo sitting and reading a history of fan making. At least, she appeared to be doing so, but was not so careless as to cast aside the matrimonial issue still floating about between Ko-Ko's household and the haughty noblemen, for she had heard them arguing yesterday as well, and despite her sister's stubbornness, had her heart set on being married to Pish-Tush and avoiding Pooh-Bah at all costs. If only she could find some way to have Pooh-Bah and Pitti-Sing fall in love with one another…

"Pitti-Sing," Peep-Bo called to her sister.

"Yes?" said the younger girl, looking up from her bouquet.

"Yesterday you made it quite clear that you had no intention of marrying Pooh-Bah whatsoever."

Pitti-Sing nodded. "Oh, absolutely."

"But you never made it clear as to why."

"Well, must I? I mean, isn't my word good enough for you?"

"I'm just rather curious, is all. You see, my argument in favour of your marrying Pooh-Bah and my marrying Pish-Tush was that I am more familiar with Pish-Tush than you are with him, and conversely you are more familiar with Pooh-Bah than I am with him. But you have presented no argument in your favour at all, and so it's beginning to look as though you shall lose out on this one."

"Oh, do get your head out of those books, sis," complained Pitti-Sing. You're beginning to talk like that old diplomacy lecturer from school."  
>"All I am saying is that your adamancy against marrying Pooh-Bah seems rather odd, considering the way you threw yourself at him at that time when Ko-Ko introduced him to us," the elder sister said offhandedly.<p>

"That's not true, sis!" Pitti-Sing protested.

"Isn't it?" came the swift retort.

The younger sister backed off a bit. "Well, yes, I may have thrown myself at him, but that was before I knew."

"Knew what?"

"That he could never love me," replied Pitti-Sing with a melancholy pout.

_This is rather like a second-rate romance novel,_ mused Peep-Bo. "How do you mean?"

"Well, you see, I am absolutely in love with the idea of being in love. It just excites me so much when I think of how one day I might be in love with and married to somebody. After all, they say that love is the most wonderful thing in the world, and if it is, then I would certainly like to have it," the younger sister explained. "Therefore, I figure that I'd be ready and willing to fall in love with any man who'd be ready and willing to fall in love with me. But since old Pooh-Bah would never be ready or willing to fall in love with me, I in my turn would never be ready or willing to fall in love with him."

"I see," was all Peep-Bo said. But in her mind, the gears were in motion. "But, supposing Pooh-Bah was ready and willing to fall in love with you. Would you do the same?"

"I don't see why not," Pitti-Sing replied casually, going back to her bouquet. "Men who feel love are the best kind of men, I think."

Peep-Bo was beginning to turn over in her head just how she was to approach Lord High Everything Else about the matter of pretending to be in love with Pitti-Sing when Ko-Ko stepped into the courtyard. "Girls, we have a guest this morning: my colleague, Pooh-Bah. He's asked to speak to you both. I can't imagine why, but he has. At any rate, you'd better come along."

After a moment's hesitation of confusion as to why a nobleman of the highest importance would condescend to speak to two young ladies who had just left school about a year ago, the sisters followed their guardian back into the house. Neither sister had an inkling as to why Pooh-Bah had come (unless it was to propose, which was highly unlikely), but the elder of them didn't much care. Now she could negotiate with Pooh-Bah without worrying about how to approach him.

They all bowed to one another once they met in the hallway. "Good day to you, sir," the sisters said in unison.

"Yes, how-de-do, little girls, how-de-do?" responded Pooh-Bah, whose old joke made Pitti-Sing giggle. To Ko-Ko, he said, "Thank you very much. I was wondering if I might have your permission to speak in private with the elder sister."

"Oh, by all means," said the excited ex-tailor, overjoyed at how effortlessly his plan was falling into place.

"Fair enough," said Peep-Bo, and led their guest into the sitting room, leaving Ko-Ko and Pitti-Sing outside.

"Is he going to propose?" the girl asked her guardian.

"I'd imagine so," he replied. "Isn't that wonderful?"

"Oh, uh…indeed," she agreed just as Ko-Ko left the room. But she didn't mean it. For some reason—perhaps confusion, perhaps jealousy, perhaps both—Pitti-Sing's heart was sinking straight to the bottom of her stomach.

"Good day, Lord Mayor, and many thanks for your honoured visit," said Peep-Bo with a graceful bow. "My sister was just talking about you, as a matter of fact."

It wasn't necessarily that he was flattered (although he may have been just a little) as he was relieved that Pitti-Sing was already talking about him—it would make the whole process of finding out whether she showed interest him take a considerably less amount of time. But for whatever reason, Pooh-Bah asked, "Oh, was she?" with a hint of a grin, which did not go unnoticed by the observant little Peep-Bo. _Well, dear little sister, you appear to have gained a Lord High Admirer,_ she mentally mused.

"How coincidental. As a matter of fact, your sister is exactly the matter I wish to speak to you about."

"You wish to marry her," said Peep-Bo.

"Well, why ever not? After all, thanks to Ko-Ko's silver tongue, Pish-Tush and I have already agreed to marry you two, and so there's no way around it," Pooh-Bah explained. "Besides which, I know Pitti-Sing well enough to think that matrimony between us wouldn't be entirely awkward, and at any rate, I'd rather that it was her than you, seeing as I can't even recall your name."

"It's Peep-Bo, sir," the girl informed him.

"Ah, yes. Peep-Bo. I knew it was something silly like that," said Pooh-Bah, who was nothing if not opinionated. "But that's beside the point.

"As I was saying," he went on, "I have my mind set on marrying Pitti-Sing, if indeed I am to be married. The problem is my assistant, Pish-Tush. He rather wants to marry her as well, but the Lord High Interrogator was able to poke some holes in his reasoning, and has thereby deduced that the herald would actually rather marry you."

Now it was the little maid's turn to be secretly pleased. She held up her fan in front of her face to hide her blush. "Indeed?"

"Indeed," replied Pooh-Bah. "And he further stated that he would propose in a heartbeat if only you were to show him due respect." (This bit wasn't exactly true, but if a man is to get what he wants through conversational negotiation alone, I expect allowances can be made for breaches in honesty here and there.)

_Shall I tell him about Pitti-Sing's reluctance?_ Peep-Bo wondered. _Oh, I suppose it's alright. Perhaps I can work out a deal._ To the nobleman, she said: "I don't think Pish-Tush is as much of a problem here as Pitti-Sing is."

"Is that so?" asked Pooh-Bah, looking a bit dismayed.

"Yes. You see, my younger sister (the frivolous little thing that she is) has it in her head that she is able to fall in love with any man who is able to fall in love with her. But as she figures that you (important as you are) could never and would never love her, she consequently concludes that she could never and would never love you, either."

"Oh, but that _is _a problem," muttered Pooh-Bah. "Is there any way to remedy that?"

"Here, I'll tell you how we'll manage it," Peep-Bo began. "I shall meet with Pish-Tush and try to prove to him that I can, in fact, show respect—"

"Yes, yes, do indeed," Pooh-Bah interrupted. "Also, try providing him with intelligent company. He's always complaining that he doesn't get any from his colleagues, but I can't imagine why."

Peep-Bo believed she could hazard a guess. Nevertheless, she continued. "And you, meanwhile, shall meet with Pitti-Sing and convince her that you have fallen in love with her, at least until you can convince yourself of it. Then you shall marry her, and Pish-Tush shall marry me, and this whole mess will be out of our minds forever and for good."

"And we shall meet, as well, to report on one another's progress as the days go by," added Pooh-Bah.

"Very well," the girl agreed, and with a low bow, said, "I am much obliged to you and am infinitely glad that we were able to come to an agreement."

"Likewise," said the nobleman, whose bow was less sincere.

In the weeks following, Peep-Bo would often leave Ko-Ko's residence under the pretense that she was "visiting somebody", although it was never made clear as to whom. But both Ko-Ko and Pitti-Sing had a feeling that Pooh-Bah was the one she was visiting, which Ko-Ko predicted with glee and Pitti-Sing predicted with despair. Perhaps, she figured, she was envious of her sister for supposedly being able to marry somebody so quickly. She tried to assure herself that at least she'd now be free to marry Pish-Tush. But…something was wrong with that. She knew there was, but she couldn't put her finger on what.

Neither Ko-Ko nor Katisha seemed to realize how out of sorts Pitti-Sing had become recently; Ko-Ko was too busy being excited over the prospect of his plan working perfectly, and Katisha was too busy being suspicious that something was going on that she had no knowledge of. But day after day, week after week, Pitti-Sing would spend hours—instead of chatting cheerily with the neighbours or looking for something interesting to do in town—just sitting in her room, moping and stewing over her current state of things. She couldn't imagine why, but whenever her older sister made ready to leave for her "visits", she felt as though she had been deprived of something pleasant, and something far less pleasant had taken its place.

Peep-Bo, meanwhile, had not been visiting Pooh-Bah nearly as often as she'd unintentionally led both her guardian and her sister to believe. In fact, she had instead been visiting Pish-Tush and accompanying him about town while he ran (and walked) his errands. Pish-Tush originally had no notion as to why she did this, but gradually began to appreciate her companionship, and presently started to converse with her about things like old Ainu calligraphy and what sort of things she'd been reading. Peep-Bo always had a book with her on these trips, partly to keep herself from being bored and partly so she wouldn't run out of things to talk about and thereby create an uncomfortable silence. Though she tried her very best not to snark during her conversations with Pish-Tush, sometimes she simply couldn't help herself. The herald didn't seem to mind; he also had a few snide comments of his own here and there, mostly about whomever was attracting the most attention about town at the time. Their talks were quite enjoyable to both of them, all in all, and Pish-Tush was glad to have the company of such a clever girl to ease the daily bore of delivering messages from place to place.

One such evening, the herald had finished his errands for the day and was returning to the centre of town with Peep-Bo, whom he was still talking with.

"…a statue of Saigyou Hoshi, which they'd carved their names into," he was saying to her.

"I can only imagine how well that went over with the prosecutor," Peep-Bo said with a giggle.

"Oh, he was perfectly furious. Up until that moment, I wasn't aware that it was possible for somebody to go purple in the face."

"I've known Katisha to do it a few times."

"I'm not surprised."

Peep-Bo looked up at the sky, which was coloured a sort of dark, smudgy purplish-orange. "Oh dear, is it that late already?"

"We really have been walking all day, haven't we?"

"Apparently so."

"You know…I can't remember when I last enjoyed such a long day as much as I have today," said Pish-Tush, quite truthfully.

Peep-Bo blushed behind her fan. "Is…is that so?"

He nodded. "In any case, it is rather late. Perhaps I…"

The girl cocked her head. "Hm?"

After a bit of hesitation, he said: "Perhaps I ought to walk you home?"

"Would you?" Peep-Bo inquired, taken aback.

Pish-Tush felt defensive. "Well, it's only common courtesy, after all. It's most ungentlemanly to leave a young lady alone in the dark," he pointed out.

_Lucky for me_, thought Peep-Bo, secretly flattered.

It was nearing dusk now, and Pitti-Sing was still in the bedroom she shared with her sister, rifling through said sister's books for something interesting to read. But whether she found all the books' topics trite and boring, or if she hated having to sit still and read words until she was ready to turn another page and repeat the process again, or if she was simply too upset to focus on anything, Pitti-Sing would not and could not bring herself to read one for more than half a minute. _It's evening already, _she noticed. _And Peep-Bo was with Pooh-Bah from nine in the morning until this hour?_ Just like that, with that very thought, she was consumed by jealousy and confusion all over again. _If only I could talk to somebody,_ she thought. _Perhaps I ought to ask Peep-Bo what's been going on, after all. It may all just be a simple miscommunication,_ she assured herself. _And even if it isn't, at any rate I must try to remain positive and make the best of it._ With these thoughts Pitti-Sing was slightly comforted, and lay back on her futon, awaiting the return of her elder sister.

At that very moment, there was the sound of a sliding door being opened and somebody calling, "Ta-dai-ma!—I've come home!" from downstairs, followed by an "O-kae-ri!—Welcome back!" from Ko-Ko.

Pitti-Sing jumped to her feet and hurried down the stairs just as fast as her feet would go. Upon entering the front hall, she saw Peep-Bo stepping into the house and turning to bow gracefully to Pish-Tush, who was standing just outside.

"I thank you ever so much for bringing me all this way," Peep-Bo was saying.

"No trouble on my part," Pish-Tush replied, bowing back. "Shall I see you again, tomorrow?"

"I should hope you would," said Peep-Bo with a chuckle.

Pish-Tush rolled his eyes, said good evening to Ko-Ko, bowed one last time, and then left.

Pitti-Sing, meanwhile, was absolutely dumbfounded that Peep-Bo had not been visiting Pooh-Bah but Pish-Tush instead—and not only that, but was able to talk on decent terms with him. Was she winning him over? That would mean that she would, in fact, be married to Pish-Tush rather than Pooh-Bah, and so Pooh-Bah would have to take Pitti-Sing—which, for some reason, Pitti-Sing wasn't nearly so upset by as this she had thought she would be.

Ko-Ko, on the other hand, was perfectly perplexed. Hadn't Pooh-Bah proposed to Peep-Bo a few weeks ago? And if so, why did she come home with Pish-Tush? And if not, then why did Pooh-Bah approach Peep-Bo in the first place?

"Peep-Bo, what is going on here?" he demanded.

"She's been visiting Pish-Tush!" Pitti-Sing exclaimed.

"I can see that, but why? Didn't Pooh-Bah propose to you about three weeks back?"

"Oh, perish the thought, perish the thought!" said Peep-Bo with a shudder, fanning herself as though she might faint at the very notion. "No, he didn't. He instead said to me that he would rather marry Pitti-Sing than me, but he didn't want to tell her yet," she explained. "And I said that if I were to somehow win Pish-Tush over, then Pish-Tush would marry me and Pooh-Bah could marry Pitti-Sing. And so over these last few weeks, I have been visiting Pish-Tush in attempt to win him over (without flirting, of course), as well as periodically meeting with Pooh-Bah to report my progress with it."

"Oh, my. Well, that's a bit shocking," remarked Ko-Ko, "But as long as things are still smooth in their course and there's no quibble or cheat, I have no objections," he said with a shrug, not really knowing what else to do or say at the moment.

Pitt-Sing's heart made a little leap. "Pooh-Bah wants to marry me?"

"It would seem so, yes," replied Peep-Bo with a sly smile. "You fancy him, do you?"

"Maybe a tiny bit, I suppose," her sister admitted. "But besides that, it is incredibly flattering to know that somebody wants to marry me! Especially after I thought _you_ were the only one was going to become somebody's bride." And just like that, Pitti-Sing was back to her old self again, and all was well.

Except, of course, for Katisha, who admittedly has a habit of putting a dampener on things, whether intentionally or not. Now, she hadn't heard everything, but she had eaved a drop or two on enough bits and pieces of information to deduce that somebody was going to marry somebody else, and that Ko-Ko was arranging it all behind her back. Something, she decided, had to be done about this, but not just yet. No, no matter how burned with rage she was at the moment, she must restrain herself and wait until she had more evidence to reproach and convict her husband with.

-END OF CHAPTER-

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><p><strong>Sorry for its length, but thank you for reading! Please review; I really do appreciate your feedback!<strong>


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